deeper

i saw this on jamie's blog a while back and wanted to try it, but i forgot about until today when i read cathy's.  so here it goes, i'm giving it a try...

i am - ambitious 

i think - my husband is hot ;)

i know - God loves me

i want - my kids (one day when i have them) to grow up committed to Him

i have - an amazing family

i wish - friendships didn't change

i hate - injustice

i hear - birds singing

i feel - blessed beyond imagination

i miss - the carefree attitude and long summers of childhood

i fear - missed opportunities

i smell - coffee inside and flowers through my open window

i crave - rest and relaxation

i search - to know more about Him

i wonder - who will win the election

i dream - about having a big family one day

i regret - hurting other's feelings

i love - my man

i ache - when i see people lose those they love

i care - about orphans, and wish i could adopt them all

i always - forget things unless i write them down

i am not - a wishy-washy person

i believe - He is faithful

i dance - when no one is looking

i sing - in the car...very loud

i cry - when i am overwhelmed 

i don't always - think before speaking

i fight - the urge to be a perfectionist

i write - lists

i win - when i appreciate the things that really matter in life

i lose - when i don't

i never - drive without my seat belt, it's a habit

i confuse - wants and needs sometimes

i listen - in class, i hate making bad grades

i can usually be found - reading

i am scared - i will over-sleep and be late for work, which leads me to the next one...

i need - to get more sleep

i am happy about - my blessed, wonderful life

go ahead, try it :)

recap

this has honestly been one of the most hectic weeks i can remember in a long time.  good, but crazy busy.  recap.

- last weekend (18-20) was my birthday weekend.  b took me to a concert.  amazing.

- my car that i have had since i was 15 was getting unreliable to say the least, SO b and i went car shopping and came back with a new camry...my old one lasted just shy of 200 k.  good car.

- my parents came to visit for the weekend, and we had a great time of course.

- when they left on sunday i was beginning to not feel so well...

- sunday and monday nights at the hospital we were short.  i left tuesday morning not feeling good at all.

- after sleeping a little on tuesday i did homework until wee hours of the morning.  boo.

- school all day wednesday, hospital classes thursday and friday.

- yard sale saturday morning.  i am not a fan of yard sales, but b convinced me and it wasn't too bad :)

- my brother andrew and his girlfriend gini came after that for the weekend.  great time of grilling out and hanging out.  so much fun.

all this brings me to today.  i was so tired this afternoon.  b had to be gone for the afternoon, and so i did what any girl would do to relax on a rainy day.  rented 2 movies, snuggled up on the couch with my dogs and blanket, sprite zero and a piece of cherry pie.  finally some rest...ahhh :)

seriously.  what's better than that?  what do you do to relax?

my 21st with keith and carrie

so one week ago, last friday (april 18), was my 21st birthday...:)  brandon had been telling me he had a surprise for me for about 3 or 4 months.  the suspense was killing me!  we got in the car and drove towards charlotte, nc.  i still didn't know where we were going.  i love surprises and suspense! 

we pull up in lots of traffic in front of the bobcats arena.  then i saw it.  a big tour bus that read...keith urban and carrie underwood...!  my sweet hubby (who doesn't especially love country music) bought me the most awesome tickets to the most awesome concert of the year, in my opinion anyway :)

i was a great birthday that i got to spend with my best friend, thanks b, i love you!

a first

i planted my first flowers ever this weekend.  i'm not gonna lie, i'm proud :)

my yard

my yard makes me happy :)

earth day

happy earth day everyone!  take time to appreciate His creativity, design, and love in creation.  it's amazing :)

ps - sorry for the extremely slow blogging lately.  more to come soon!

finale

so last night was the biggest loser season finale.  and guess what?  ali won, beating out roger, and became the first female biggest loser!  i love this show, but now i'm really sad it's over.  what am i going to watch for 2 hours every tuesday night?  

        

this face

how can you not love your pets when they look at you like this?

love/hate

this past week at work, i was reminded why i love my job, and  at the same time through the same experience, why i don't.

i think it's one thing to sympathize with someone.  i sympathize with all my patients.  i try to understand the way they feel; their frustrations, emotions, excitement, fear...as well as their families.  i try to make them feel better, get them anything they need, answer their questions, listen to them.    

it's something totally different when you end up identifying with someone.

my patient was the same age as my mom.  her husband was the same age as my dad.  she had a daughter the same age as me.  she had cancer that had spread.  everywhere.  bone, lungs, liver, pancreas, brain.  she was on bipap, not even breathing on her own due to a large mass pushing against her throat.  all night, her husband and her daughter held her hands and watched her die.  there was nothing i could do but be there and listen to her family's emotions and thoughts.  i sat with them for over an hour as they talked and i cried with them.  they were so positive and knew she would be with Him, but at the same time they were devastated.  it was heart wrenching.  

i love the fact i get to just be there for people, to listen to someone during the hardest point in their lives.  i love doing what God has planned for me.  but i hate the fact that i see husbands loose the love of their life, and daughters having to grow up, get married, and have children without their mothers.  i hate it.  it sucks.

all i could do was think how this could easily be my mother and my family.  my heart was broken for this family, and still is today.  i left the hospital in tears and with a sick stomach.  i wanted so badly to do something for them, but the only thing i did and continue to be able to do is pray.  i know that matters, but i hate the fact that's all i can do.  i hate it.

please pray for her husband and daughter.

caroline

brandon and i got to keep my cousin caroline the other night.  we had a blast.  our 2 dogs loved her and were surprisingly calm.  we went out to eat, marble slab, and willy wonka was on tv.  need i say more?  

i love this

last night my favorite show came on.  2 hours every week.  i never miss it.  my hubby laughs at me because, i love it so much....the biggest loser.  

something awesome happened last night.  it's down to the final 4 contestants; 2 girls, 2 guys.  last night come weigh-in time, 2 guys below the line, 2 girls above.  they dominated!  next week is the finale, and i'm hoping for a first time female biggest loser.

here's to girl power :)

   

friday night fun?

did you do something fun on friday night?  chill out, go out, tgif?  this is what mine looked like.

• dinner with my hubby.  cooked shrimp scampi over linguine pasta and strawberry-walnut salad.  yum.
• had to leave for work at 6 p...coming home sat. morning 7:30a...
• was completely dumped on from the day shift nurses.
• sat down for about 30 minutes out of my 12+ hr. shift.
• i didn't get a break.  
• had a very type-A, obsessive-compulsive patient...
• ...another who had a hallucination reaction to a medication the day shift nurse gave.  he thought his bed was an aircraft carrier and his iv lines the controls.  not good...
• ...another who didn't eat dinner and her blood sugar dropped to 14.  normal is 70-120.  omg moment...
• ...and another patient cardiovascular-ICU sent us before i came in that they had taken off a respirator earlier because there was nothing else they could do; doctors orders to just keep her comfortable...
• she died at 6 am.
• do you know what it's like to have to listen to someone with your stethoscope and then tell a room of 15+ family members their loved one has passed?  it's not easy, in fact it's an awful thing to have to do.
• i love my job as an oncology nurse, and i normally have good nights at the hospital.  but some nights nothing goes the way you would like and things are just plain sad.  it sucks.
• nights like this i just have to pray that i can make it and trust God is sovereign.  i want to try to be in tune to those divine moments He has for me to serve Him, even with things are far from ideal.
• by the end of the shift, this was what i felt like.  completely exhausted.  

thank God a nice, warm, cozy bed was waiting at home :)

sorry for the slow blogging week.  we've been doing some home projects.  we're in the process of getting some new carpet for our study and tiling the kitchen and bathroom.  tuesday i painted our bathroom while brandon was at work, and last night brandon painted our kitchen while i was at school.  i've replaced all the ugly brass handles on our bookcase with modern silver ones, and have been working on some spring cleaning.  i love it.  happy spring cleaning :)