not to be forgotten

i'm always thinking about them.

whether it be another child with the same name or a familiar toy they played with on the target shelf or a song that reminds me of them. i think about the days i played with them, laughed with them. the quiet nights i rocked them to sleep. or just rocked them so their parents could get some sleep. almost daily i think about those unbelievably strong parents. moms i hugged, laughed and cried with. dads brought to tears because they couldn't take away their child's pain.

kids that have to fight the battle against cancer are the most inspiring, most brave people i've ever met. they are truly amazing. i am so blessed to know them and their families. unfortunately, this ugly battle is not always won. its these kids and families i'm always thinking about. praying for. knowing the child is in a better place free of pain and suffering, but sad because they didn't get to grow up. hoping their parents are doing okay. most of all, i just don't want them to be forgotten. not by me; not by the world.

don't take one minute of your life for granted. cherish the time you have with your family and friends. these kids may not have lived long lives, but they were certainly full. full of passion, joy, playfulness. full of love. they have touched my life in a way i will never be able to adequately explain.

they are inspiring.

5 things i'm loving right now, just because

bath and body works pineapple orchid car air freshener. it makes my car smell like a delicious piece of candy.

this adorable decorative bird i snagged at khols, 60% off. i also got a brown one. i love them.

7th generation lavender floral and mint natural dish liquid. this stuff is so good. and smells so lovely.

my black miz mooz "summer" boots. they are leathery goodness indeed.

method natural hand soap - water flower and sweet water are my favorite scents.

there's always that one person

yesterday was an amazing day at rivers crossing. teams from our recent 2 trips to guatemala shared their experiences, and we had an extended time of worship as well as communion. i seriously love my church and the staff, and i'm so proud of my husband. so many people work so hard every week, the staff and our wonderful volunteers.

as i was leaving church yesterday, someone walked by me and very loudly made a comment that almost immediately zapped the joyous feeling i had inside from the amazing worship and message we had just experienced. i couldn't believe this person's bitter persona, and i literally had to bite my tongue to keep from saying something i knew i'd regret. i so fiercely love my church and its staff that work so hard that it is very difficult for me when i hear anyone say anything negative about it. especially about something frankly so rediculously stupid and petty.

i felt my spirit crushed after a service where God was so blatently present. on the drive home i was basically venting to God. i had felt His presence so much during the service, and i think the enemy was trying to take that away from me and bring me down. i cannot control what other people say, and i'm not sure what's going on in their life that is making them so unhappy. i can't imagine feeling anything but grateful after such an experience like we had yesterday morning.

in complete honesty the wonderful, encouraging people that our church is blessed with far outweigh these negative, once-in-a-while comments. we serve a mighty, loving God, and i am very grateful that our incredible staff do what He tells them to do without letting snide remarks from petty people get in the way. rivers crossing staff - you seriously rock!

thanks for letting me vent :)

missional

our church sent 2 teams to guatemala over the past month. we work in conjunction with an amazing organization - lemonade international. brandon and i actually sponsor a sweet little boy through this organization, as do many other families in our church. we hope to be able to go and meet him as many people who went on trips this summer got to meet their sponsor child. i've always had a special place in my heart for international missions, and these trips got me thinking about my trip to ghana, africa i took in college.

i'll never forget these sweet faces.

i'm so proud to be part of a church where being missional is a core value.

in case you've missed me ...

so i'm a sporadic blogger. i admit it, and i apologize to those of you who still read this. but honestly this blog is a space for me to put down my thoughts, keep family updated, and to just have a record for myself about things going on in my life. and lately, there just hasn't been much going on.

i've been going to work 4 days a week, so that's been a bit of an adjustment. i do love getting home early enough to make dinner and feel like i have time to relax and watch tv or ride the exercise bike in the basement. i also love being off weekends and being at church with brandon. well not really with him, because he's on stage ha ha, but to be there supporting him is important to me. i've been in the outpatient setting for 3 weeks now, and i feel like i'm settling in pretty well. and with all the hem-onc and sickle-cell kids, i'm getting pretty good at accessing ports too :) (bmt kids usually have tunneled lines).

other news with the gilliams - brandon sold his jeep today. it was a great car. i remember the first time we went on a date, he drove up from south carolina to pick me up in that jeep. i thought he looked super cute stepping out of that manly car in his north face fleece and birkenstocks :)

i forced brandon to take a picture with his beloved jeep before saying goodbye to it. i think he was secretly glad. they have been friends for a while you know :)

new

so for those who haven't heard, i recently started a new job. i've been working on the BMT unit (blood and marrow transplant) for about the past 2 years. i loved it. i loved the kids, i loved getting to know the families, i loved learning so much. i love hem-onc. what i didn't love? working weekends, missing church, feeling terrible and tired from night shift, sleeping crazy hours. i'm not complaining, i knew that was part of nursing. i just got tired. really tired.

so kind of out of the blue i saw a posting in cincinnati children's hem-onc outpatient clinic and day hospital. it's basically where all of the BMT, hematology, oncology, immunology etc. kids go when they don't have to be inpatient. they aren't open nights, or weekends, or holidays :) and truly, i didn't want to leave children's or the area i was in. i applied, and i prayed about it, and i just felt like this was my opportunity.

last week was my first week, and i love it so much. it is not perfect, no job is, but i really do love it. it's amazing how much better i feel sleeping at night every night, seeing brandon every day, and just not driving home like a zombie at 8 am. it's a good thing. i miss my BMT girls (a lot!) and certain things about it, but i feel very blessed that God opened this door for me at this point in my life. it's a good thing.